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OUR LITTLE MIRACLE

Friday, 29 April 2011

29th April 2011

Today is the Royal Wedding of William and Kate Middleton.

Chiara and I have been watching it since it started this morning.  We are excited as today we could be allowed a wee weekend pass home.  It would be great to get home with her for a couple of day and all be a family again. 

Both myself and Chiara are all dressed up and ready to go.  Richard and the boys arrive and we all patiently wait on the Doctors coming round on the ward round so we can see if we have been allowed to go home for weekend.

Eventually the Doctor arrives, examines Chiara over and tells us its okay to go home for the weekend.  Yippee its smiles all round as we prepare to go home.  At the end of the conversation with the Doctor he happens to drop in that clinical chemistry have reported a finding of some sort of storage disorder in Chiara's urine test that was sent away 2 weeks ago.  Immediately I start to break out in a cold sweat and feel sick, the colour I know is slowly draining from my face. I look over at Richard who knows by the look of me that it isnt good news.  Instantly I say out loud "but they are life limiting" and very bluntly the Doctor agrees..  I start asking questions, but he doesnt have anything confirmed so he doesnt know which storage disorder it is........ why oh why then do you bloody well tell us only half and then leave it especially after you have just told us to go home for the weekend and have a good time.

He leaves the room and immediately both Richard and I start to cry, I glance over at the kids who had still been in the room and heard everything, I could see the hurt in Chiara's brothers faces.  I cant believe this has happened.  We leave the hospital and head for home, none of us knowing what to say to each other.  All I know is I feel I had a promise of a life with a gorgeous wee girl and now I have been robbed of that promise.

I arrive home to my brother and sister in law and from that moment on the whole weekend is just a blur.  I think I spent the whole weekend on a couch or in a corner not knowing what to do.  I remember thinking if I distance myself from Chiara then maybe when she goes it wont hurt as much.  But how could I do that to her, she needed me, no matter what lay ahead I had to try and get strength from somewhere to deal with this devastating trauma in our life.

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